The days are long but the years are short. Or so that’s how the saying goes. The former felt so real for me during the first year after the birth of both my children.

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My son was born in the height of Covid. That time where we had no idea what it was or the harm it could cause. Where there was fear mongering and brainwashing galore and those of us who were in Victoria were trapped in the confines of our own four walls for a total of 246 days *shudders*. Sadly, my son didn’t really have any visitors until he was eight months old, with my own mum seeing him once or twice in that time. It was definitely not how I imagined my experience with my first born.

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Our daughter, was born less than two years later in 2022. We experienced a completely different journey to that of our first child. With our first, Will was home every day. We enjoyed walks together, and I knew I could count on him if I needed a moment to catch my breath. Just before our daughter was born, Will’s business partner at the time was devastatingly diagnosed with a brain tumour, and declined rapidly. This meant that the paternity leave he was planning on taking turned into interstate trips, on and off, for the first four months of our daughter’s life. And if he wasn’t travelling, he was in the office all day, every day. At this point we still lived regionally, and the office was in the city, so Will was literally leaving at 4am and coming home around 10pm, only really seeing the children on weekends.

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Thank God my in-laws lived ten minutes away, because if it wasn’t for my MIL, I don’t think I would be here today. And yes, I know most people hate their MILs, but mine is a true unicorn.

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So the days were long. And the years were certainly not feeling short. I would find myself almost numb to the day. Going through the motions. Being physically present but almost lost in my own void. I would cry. Often. And not just a few tears. It would be complete breakdowns, sobbing hysterically and not knowing why. 

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I remember coming back from somewhere, my MIL was watching my daughter and my son was at childcare, and I just broke down in the car, driving home. When I pulled up in my driveway, I just couldn’t get myself together. And my MIL could see that. This is one example of the many dark moments I experienced. 

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My own mum (who did all she could but unfortunately lived about an hour away) and my husband were aware that things were getting worse, and so they all sat me down and held an ‘intervention’. I remember my mum saying to me “I think you have Postnatal Depression”. It was like a punch in the stomach. No I don't. I am fine. I’m just tired. But they all urged me to see a doctor. 

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A couple of days later I saw a GP (not my usual GP) and completed the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS). The EPDS is a screening tool used to assess for PND. It asks you 10 questions and is based on the past week. Well, it had been some sort of week. So yes, my score came back very high, which means I was a candidate for PND. Interestingly, upon revisiting the EPDS, it states that it “is not a diagnostic tool and must always be used in conjunction with clinical assessment.” (Black Dog Institute) and yet post this score, I was instantly prescribed antidepressants. Now, with my background in Psychology, I am aware that there is always a time and place for antidepressants. But in that moment, it did not feel like the right, first course of action. 

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So I politely declined and went on my way to understanding what was going on and what I could do to support myself. 

1. I made an appointment with a psychologist. 
2. I asked for blood tests to be run and did a DNA test.
3. I looked into my diet.
4. I researched what supplements I was taking and why.

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The results for the above were astounding:

1. I realised that I needed to talk. I needed to be heard. To be validated. To be empowered. I didn’t need synthetic drugs to save me. I needed to know I wasn’t alone.
2. I found out I had the MTHFR genetic mutation which meant I could not absorb folic acid and convert it into its active form, 5-MTHF. There have been correlational studies that suggest a link between the malabsorption of folic acid and miscarriage (we had two) and PND.
3. I wasn’t eating anywhere near enough, and I wasn’t supporting my body from a whole foods perspective. Who would have thought cold coffees and the crusts from my son’s sandwiches wasn’t enough to sustain me?!
4. They all went in the bin. Truly. What I was taking was rubbish. They were generic, off the shelf supplements that had a crazy amount of vitamins and minerals that really had no actual impact on my wellbeing. Half were countering the other half, and most I was peeing out. Hence the creation of Asklé.

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Through my own journey, I realised that PND can be a debilitating and exhausting diagnosis that receives very little airtime. We often dismiss it as brain fog, exhaustion, baby blues, without really arriving at the crux of the issue. Whether mental or physical. 

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And sadly, research is showing that PND is most commonly diagnosed four years post birth. Four years. We barely create a village for women in the first year, let alone four years later.

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What Can You Do if You Think You Have Postnatal Depression?

If this story resonates with you and you’re experiencing any of the symptoms I’ve described—feeling overwhelmed, numb, overly emotional, or just "off"—it’s important to take action. PND is not something you should face alone, and there are steps you can take to begin healing:

1. Talk to a Healthcare Professional
   The first step is reaching out to a trusted healthcare provider, whether it’s your GP, a midwife, or a mental health professional. Ask for a thorough assessment beyond just a screening tool like the EPDS. This ensures your symptoms are fully understood and you receive the right support.
2. Connect with a Psychologist or Counselor
   Therapy, especially from someone experienced in perinatal mental health, can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes, you just need a space to talk, to be heard, and to feel validated in what you're experiencing.
3. Evaluate Your Physical Health
   Often, physical health can contribute to or exacerbate PND. Request blood tests to check for deficiencies, hormonal imbalances, or other health issues like thyroid dysfunction or vitamin deficiencies that could be affecting your mental health. And try to see an integrative GP who goes above and beyond the standard blood tests.
4. Look Into Nutrition and Supplements
   Ensure you’re nourishing your body with whole, nutrient-rich foods. If you take supplements, consider consulting with a health professional to determine what’s truly beneficial for you. Genetic factors, like the MTHFR mutation, could also impact your body’s ability to process certain vitamins, which may contribute to how you're feeling.
5. Reach Out for Support
   Don't hesitate to lean on your support system—whether it's family, friends, or online communities. PND can make you feel isolated, but you don’t have to carry this weight alone.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
   It’s easy to be hard on yourself during this time. But remember, PND is not a reflection of your ability as a parent or partner. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey.

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What Can Partners or Friends Do?

If you suspect your partner, friend, or family member might be struggling with postnatal depression, your support can make a world of difference. Here’s how you can help:

1. Be Present and Listen
   Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is simply listen without judgement. Create a safe space for them to express their feelings, even if they’re difficult to hear. Often, just knowing someone is truly listening can provide immense relief.
2. Encourage Them to Seek Help
   Gently encourage them to talk to a doctor or therapist, but avoid pushing too hard. Let them know there’s no shame in asking for help, and remind them that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
3. Offer Practical Support
   Exhaustion can make everything harder. Offer to help with day-to-day tasks—whether it’s watching the baby so they can rest, preparing meals, or tidying up. Even small gestures can lighten the load and make a big difference.
4. Be Patient
   Recovery from PND doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey, and it may take time for your loved one to start feeling like themselves again. Be patient, understanding, and available for whatever they need, even if it’s just a quiet shoulder to lean on.
5. Stay Educated
   Learn about PND so you can better understand what your loved one is going through. This knowledge can help you offer informed support and recognise when they might need professional help.
6. Take Care of Yourself Too
   Supporting someone with PND can be emotionally challenging. Make sure you’re taking care of your own mental health, too. If needed, seek advice or counselling for yourself to ensure you can provide the best support possible while maintaining your own well-being.

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PND can feel like an overwhelming, isolating experience, but with the right support and resources, it’s possible to navigate through it. Whether you’re the one experiencing it or you're supporting someone who is, know that you don’t have to do this alone.

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Resources for Postnatal Depression in Australia:

1. PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia)
   PANDA offers a national helpline, online resources, and community support for those dealing with perinatal anxiety and depression.
   Website: panda.org.au
   Helpline: 1300 726 306
2. Beyond Blue
   Beyond Blue provides resources, forums, and support for people experiencing depression and anxiety, including PND. They also have a dedicated section for new and expecting parents.
   Website: beyondblue.org.au
   Helpline: 1300 22 4636
3. Gidget Foundation Australia
   Gidget Foundation offers support for expectant and new parents experiencing perinatal depression and anxiety. They provide free telehealth psychological services, support groups, and educational resources.
   Website: gidgetfoundation.org.au
   Support Services: 1300 851 758
4. COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence)
   COPE offers extensive information, screening tools, and resources for those experiencing emotional and mental health challenges during pregnancy and early parenthood. They also provide help finding healthcare professionals.
   Website: cope.org.au
5. Lifeline Australia
   Lifeline offers 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services. It’s a helpful resource for those experiencing overwhelming feelings.
   Website: lifeline.org.au
   Helpline: 13 11 14
6. Tresillian
   Tresillian provides parenting support and advice, specializing in issues related to the early years of parenting. They offer consultations with healthcare professionals, sleep advice, and mental health support for new parents.
   Website: tresillian.org.au
7. Karitane
   Karitane offers services to help parents with mental health challenges, sleep and settling issues, and transitioning into parenthood. They have online support, home visits, and clinics.
   Website: karitane.com.au